Nerdstalgia

Lorakin, A Different Kind of Intelligent Sword

“I’m bored.  How much longer do we have to walk?” he asked again.

Korina grunted.  How much more did she have to put up with this?

“I’m bored.  Are we there yet? Do you think there will be any girls at our next stop?”

Thankfully she wasn’t his type.

“I’m HUNNGGGGRRRYYY” he continued.

Korina wondered what it was that he even ate.  She had annoying party members many times, but none like this.
“I want to fight something.  We haven’t done that in a while!”

“That’s it!” Korina exclaimed.  “It’s time for you to take a nap”

“But I’m not tire–“

As a general guideline I tend to steer clear of intelligent items. I don’t have any problem with them game-wise. Sure they can be powerful, but that’s fine with me. I just have a hard time playing one. I have a hard time seeing how something that a truly intelligent object would be so gung-ho to serve and protect whatever shmuck happens to find it. I mean, shouldn’t it have thoughts and feelings of its own? What if it was attached to its old owner, wouldn’t it hate the new one for killing it? What if it like the centuries of solitude inside the dragon cave and hated to be disturbed? Or consequently, what if being alone for so long drove it mad. How would the object react if its owner finds an upgrade and chooses that instead?

Also, and more pragmatically, an intelligent item always has to be on. It’s not like the bartender or prince, who you only need to know how to act for a short amount of time, the character always has this item. They can always ask for its thoughts and opinions, you always have to be ready to act and react according to the character that you create for it. I’ve always been worried that I would more or less get bored of the intelligent item and not want to pay as it anymore.

Now, this is all with one exception, Lorakin, the intelligent sword. But before I get into him, let me give you a bit of a backdrop. There were a few summers where I DMed Brian and Chris in a very laissez-faire style. Basically, those two had more or less separate agendas and I mostly just reacted, often they would be together, but occasionally they would spend days apart doing a variety of different zany adventures. I did very little prep work, considering how often we played. It remains to this day, my favourite campaign (actually two campaigns in consecutive years…but that is mostly because 3rd Edition came out between those year) that I’ve ever been a part of.

Because these two were constantly running around the area doing whatever the hell they pleased, I had to find ways to bring the two of them back together. Usually one of them would come across some zany scheme, and needing backup, they got the other one to come along. Lorakin, was just such a scheme.

I don’t remember exactly how Brian came across Lorakin, but he did. I think that the sword was locked in some vault, in a thieves den that Brian’s character had infiltrated, but I’m possibly wrong about that one. Anyway, that part of the story is not important. What matter is Lorakin himself.

Lorakin was not a traditional, snobby, heroic intelligent sword. In fact he was quite the opposite. He was obnoxious and horny. Yes, you read that correctly, Lorakin’s primary motivations were carnal in nature. I sort of based the character off of an NC-17 version of the Genie from Alladin. He kept yammering on and on about how long his last owner locked him in a trunk for talking too much, and he really had some needs that needed to be address.

Essentially this, but more pointy and innapropriate

He remembered seeing a lovely looking scimitar in the hands of some noble in the next town over. Brian’s character being a charlatan (that is both in profession, and as a Bard Kit) decided to go and relieve this noble of his scimitar, and as much else as he could find. This was just the nobleman who Chris was dealing with for one of his zany adventures. Ta da, problem solved.

Lorakin wasn’t particularly powerful (I think just a measly +1), or knowledgeable, but was particularly annoying, lecherous, and liked to get drunk. But really, if we all have had party members who behaved that way, why is it weird to have weapons act that way?

Until next time,

G

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